Since Monday afternoon, I feel like I'm walking around with an extra 200lbs of baggage and it sucks. It physically hurts to move. It takes all the energy I have to do the little things like get out of bed or get dressed. I'm so tired but I can't really sleep. I crash our of shear exhaustion only to wake up a few hours later.
The deep sadness I feel seems unbearable. The idea that we may never have our own child is devastating. How could I continue to watch everyone around have theirs without being bitter and hateful? How can I go through a lifetime of answering stupid questions like 'oh, you don't want children?' A lifetime of feeling left out? HOW??? I can hear the whispering already. I'll be the pathetic old bitter woman everyone knows. In time, nobody will remember or know the person I was before all of this.
The genesis of similarity.: Set in Egypt Aida
3 years ago
6 comments:
Darya - I am sitting at my desk in tears right now reading your post. I have asked...no...screamed those same questions very recently. I reflect back on the fun, energetic, happy person I was 7 yeras ago when my husband first met me and wonder where that person is and if I will ever get that person back.
I wish I could just hug you right now and let you cry, scream, punch whatever you needed to do. I am here for you from afar!
I don't have any answers or suggestions or assvice or even any right words for you. I am feeling exactly the same way, and all I will do is be here with you, holding your hand. Hugs to you.
Oh yeah -- wish I had the answers to those questions. It's hard to imagine a lifetime of this inadequacy, anger, and despair. I feel dead.
All I have are ((Hugs)). I'm sorry:(
I'm so sad for you, Darya. I'm sad for all of us suffering with this condition.
You are in my thoughts and I'm hoping that you find peace with where you are right now very soon. I'm sending you a giant, cyber hug! You're not alone.
Thinking of you. ((HUGS))
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