Transfer is set for tomorrow at 10:30AM. I really hope we have something good to transfer.
I've lost a lot of my spirit this week. DH and I got into a big fight the day after ER and it's been very rocky. He was sooooo perfect until then but blew it. It kind of sucks because it takes away how great he was for so long. I realized that no matter how hard I try to make a cycle perfect, something always gets really fucked up so I'm done trying to control any of this shit. Once again, I really tried to stay positive but this week got ruined. I know I should be excited for my transfer but I am more scared than anything else. Scared that once again, this will not work. Scared of the pain I will feel and the long term suffering I will have ahead of me. Scared of so much. I never use to be afraid of anything. Sorry if I sound down but this IS my pity party damn it!
While DH and I were fighting tonight, he asked me what happened to the girl you use to run through the fields smiling, wearing a cute hat. The girl surrounded by friends and so many people who loved her. The girl who was fun and liked to go out and do things and be social. What happened? She became infertile. That's what fucking happened.
The genesis of similarity.: Set in Egypt Aida
3 years ago
9 comments:
Darya - good luck tomorrow. I'm going to be thinking of you, and I really hope they have some good blasts for you tomorrow.
I'm sorry you and your DH are fighting - I'm sure the stress of the cycle gets to him as well. I hope you two make up soon. IF is stressful enough anyway, without the added relationship issues. Good luck!!
Hi Darya,
I know that the carefree girl you were describing is still you. You are just going through a lot of stress right now. IVF is one of the most stressful experiences you can ever go through. It puts a lot of pressure on relationships. I hope that you can do some nice things to distract yourselves together. Go and see a movie, go out to dinner or go and get a massage together (or all three!)
Good luck with the transfer. I'm thinking of you. You're still a wonderful person...Don't forget that.
God this ride sucks. I am sorry that it is rocky with your DH right now. I am not one of those people to tell others to "think happy thoughts" or to "think positive" but I will tell you to feel free to go back and read about my transfer and to be like, "shit, at least that didn't happen to me"!!!
I am not the same person I used to be either. Am I worse? Better? Not sure. Jury is still out. Mr. M gets frustrated too and I can see it in his eyes when he asks me to do something like go to a movie, meet his friends, etc. and I say no almost every time. Infertility bites.
Good luck today and I am looking forward to your transfer story.
Everyone has fights. And everyone is usually on their best behavior during a cycle but once you retrieve some of that anxiety and stress might just make an ugly comeback. I hope he understands that you want that girl back as bad as he does but that would be like asking him to be charming and funny to new friends while he has the worst stomach flu. It aint happening... yet. But it will. :-) this isn't forever.
I'm sorry about the fights. All this IF stuff is so hard on our relationships as well as our personal selves. But sometimes it's just good to say 'fuck it,' and accept that life is shit and there's not much you can do but keep moving forward, out of the shit.
I'm getting to your post a little late, so I hope your transfer went well today. Finger's crossed for you.
Darya,
This journey we are on is rough, not just for the women who have to pump ourselves full of these mind- and mood-altering drugs, but for our SO's as well. It hurts when our DH's blows up at us, but they are releasing their anxiety and frustration and fears, although unfortunately it's at us.
We have our blogs and message boards where we can go and vent and let out our frustrations, and we know that there will be people out here in the blogosphere who will understand, offer a shoulder, and a comforting virtual hug. Too often, our DH's have no one to vent to.
I really hope you are able to patch up this recent blowout and come together again as a strong united front for the transfer tomorrow.
You are in my thoughts. I'm so hoping this is it for you, dear. Keeping my fingers crossed for the upcoming 2WW.
I wish you much luck for tomorrow. I understand you, men seem to deal with this all differently and at times I guess it is as if they can just shut it off, even just for a bit. It sucks loosing bits and pieces of who we were, slowly. Infertility sucks.
Hugs to you :)
www.barrenwomb.com
I'm reading this late (ugh) so good luck seems like a wasted statement. Instead, I hope the transfer went well and that you are resting peacefully at home right now. :)
That girl you describe still lives inside of you. She'll be back! And you know what? Men just say dumb shit! I hope you aren't giving too much credibility to your DH's statement. They really are from MARS!!!!
Giant (((hug))) and let me know how the transfer went.
I think we all lose part of our 'old' self to infertility. It's sad.
I hope you got the quads all tucked into your uterus this weekend and are on your way to a speedy 2ww with a really happy ending!
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