Thursday, January 15, 2009

The needle tears a hole

The physical hole is obvious, the mental one is well beneath the surface.

These drugs really do a number on my fucking head. I was doing pretty well until late yesterday and then something minor really set me off and it was downhill from there. Basically, my dad
is an accountant and I asked him a question about our taxes and he went off on me with one of his typical rants. Meanwhile, DH is harassing me regarding the same question so my family is causing marital problems. As if marriage isn't hard enough, specially with infertility. My dad and I have always had a rocky relationship but he's really been pissing me off lately. Every minor thing reminds of every other issue I've had with him during the last 30+ years. I did try to calm down and release the stress but it wasn't easy and I wasn't completely successful. I am now 100% convinced these drugs really fuck with your head and it's nearly impossible to remove yourself from it.

All in all, my family causes me a lot of stress. It's my fault too because I let things get to me, even when I'm not on drugs. I guess family knows exactly how to push your buttons. BTW- my family can also be one of the most supportive and loving families I've ever seen. Sometimes, I wonder if the bad makes the good worth it. Today it doesn't.

2 comments:

Nikki said...

Just a few more days, and I hope you're done with needles and drugs forever!

I'm sorry your family stresses you so much. I wish there was a way out of it, but this is family, you can't shut them out!

Good luck!

Caroline said...

Hi Darya,
I'm sorry to hear about your family problems. I think it is normal to feel pretty stressed out going through IVF. Take it easy and don't expect too much of yourself right now. Just get through the next few days/weeks. I'll be following your journey.
Take care.