TGIF

I am so happy the week is almost over. The last week and a half has been one of the worst in my life. I think I am still somewhat in the beginning of the treatment journey so these feelings and pains are new and I haven't figured out how to deal with them yet. I am adjusting though. I've got to get my butt in gear for next week and get out of this mood. I haven't figured out how to do that yet but that is what the weekend is for-coming up with a plan.

I really can't wait until DH's friends are gone. It's very hard to pretend all is ok when I've had one of the worst few weeks of my life. Work sucks too. I cry in my office at least 20 times a day.

DH is making me feel really bad. Saying I never asked him to spend Saturday with me. It's even more hurtful that he is pretending it was something different. I did ask- I pretty much begged and I have proof of it. He is calling me crazy and that I'm trying to ruin his trip, etc. I've been very nice to HIS guests..cooking..cleaning..and entertaining even though all I want to do is curl up in my bed and cry my heart out.

Of course I am upset. I have to move to IVF because he won't be around this cycle for an IUI so it's either wait a month or just move ahead and I chose to move ahead. Of course I am angry that he got drunk in my face after promising not to and knowing it can decrease my chance of getting pregnant and increase my chance of miscarriage. How can it not hurt me that he didn't care about that? Am I being unreasonable?

It sucks because I really really love him so much. I'm probably way too demanding. I wouldn't want to be married to me either!

On another note...I've been so exhausted this week. I've been going to bed very early and waking up late. I do tend to wake up quite a bit during the night and sometimes I am awake for an hour or two but overall- I am still sleeping quite a bit and I am still very very exhausted.