Feeling better

Well I am feeling much better today! It seems I woke up in a better mood.

DH came home around 8:30. He knew I was upset but I asked him to let me do my own thing and he did. I have a lot to do today so I won't be spending much time with him today either. Guess we have to wait about 3 weeks before we can get some good QT. Oh well.

I need to give my sis a call today. I miss her so much and I haven't talked to her much lately because I've been so down but I know she needs me for certain things in her life right now and I should be there for her. It's soooooooooo hard for me to talk to people I love right now. I'm sure I seem distant and they are hurt by that but I am so consumed with IF that I can't focus for too long on anything else...and I don't want to break down. That usually leads to a well meaning comment that ends up really hurting me and making me feel worse. I did talk to some other relatives yesterday. Even though I didn't bring up IF or anything relating to the subject and I pretended that everything is good- they managed to make me feel better somehow. Probably hearing their voices and knowing they love me is soothing on it's own.

Update.....DH is mad at me now because I told him I can't spend time with him today and telling me I'm being a baby. Maybe that is true but I'm also spending the day cleaning up and cooking for HIS visitors that are coming...besides the fact that I have work work to do. Yeah, maybe I am being a bit of a baby but I told him today is my work day- I knew I would be too devastated yesterday to get anything done. I tried to clean up yesterday but I couldn't. Yesterday was my free day. I usually take saturdays off because after monday-friday- I really need a break. This time with the BFN and the shock that I have to move to IVF- I just needed that day. Wish we could have done something together like go to the lake or a movie or something but it didn't work out and I took the day off anyway. Why am I the jerk here?? He had a choice and he made his choice. He will just have to wait a few weeks to spend quality time with me.

So...another rant about DH. This trip he is going on- well, he is going to get very drunk the entire time. Everything I've read tells me that won't be very good for his boys but there is no way he will compromise on the drinking for this trip. My best friends from college were here last week and I didn't have one drink while they got trashed every night. I don't know why he can't do that for me or at least limit the drinking but he can't. I hope it doesn't end up mattering. I'm wondering if I should put off the IVF by a month to accommodate his drinking vacation.

I know I sound very angry and I am but my DH can be amazing...he usually makes me laugh and does so many little things to make me happy. I love spending time with him. This just hasn't been a good week for us.