Drinking alone

I had my acupuncture and honestly- I don't feel any different. I was wrong. I really couldn't relax. I'm going to give it a few more tries before I completely give up on that.

Well...I guess I will be drinking alone. DH sent me an email saying it will be hours before he is home even though he had promissed even before I got upset about him going out today that he would spend tonight with me. Guess he's having a great time. I hope to be asleep when he gets here because I'm not interested in a fight and he will know that I am upset and he will bug me until a fight develops. A fight will definitely upset me more than I am now. I am really hurt by his decision today and nothing will take it away as the day is over and the night won't happen either. I don't need to punish him with a fight but I also don't want to spend time with him when he does finally come home. He said he'd spend the night with me when he first told me his plans. I practically begged him to spend the day with me. Ultimately, he chose to spend neither. Not much that can be done about that. He saw how I've been all week...he saw me break down so many times...he heard the RE talk about IVF and how invasive it is and how scared I am about it...he saw me devastated when I got my BFN...he learned from a therapist at the clinic how traumatizing this is for most women...he heard me talk to my RE about possible anti-depressants...he knew all of this and yet not only did he still go for the entire day after I begged him not to- he is staying out all night too. That just hurts bad. Really really bad.


This is why I almost never ever ask anyone to do anything for me. Never. I never do because I hate receiving a 'no'. Sometimes I try to give hints but I never actually ask. This time I didn't only ask- I practically begged. It's a bad day for me. I wouldn't want to be around me either if I were somebody else but I have no choice.

I feel so incredibly alone but I know I'm really not. I have such a wonderful family and group of friends I could call right now to feel better but I won't. I'd rather just have my pity party alone.

I'm probably going to have 100 posts before tomorrow but don't worry-I usually don't have this much free time. I really should have spent the day cleaning up, laundry, etc. but I could barely get out of bed this morning. I decided I just can't do anything productive today.