Just jealous and missing him...

Well, DH and his friends left a bit ago. I miss him already.

I guess a part of me is really jealous that he has this fun trip with really close friends and without ME while I'm in a very bad place emotionally. I'd love a vacation right now and I'm jealous. I have lots of work to do too and I need to figure out how to cope better. I'm jealous. I guess it didn't hit me how exciting it must have been for these guys and DH to plan this trip and there it was in my face during such a bad time for me. I'm being selfish. DH has a right to go away with his friends and to have fun without me. He didn't plan it like this on purpose. I feel sorry for myself. I'm lonely. Yes, I am being a baby but this is my pity party!! I'm allowed to be that way so there. I wish I were on vacation but I can't even think about that possibility for a very long time.

I really just wanted some time with him before this trip. Some reassurance that I'll be missed. I wish he had wanted to spend some time with me. Now, I just hope he misses me and I'm sure he will but I also think he will happy to get away from IF and me. I haven't been a lot of fun to be around.

Turns out- one of DH's friends had IVF and they are due in a few months! He knows quite a bit about the procedure and everything that goes with it. We talked briefly about it this morning before they left. I was somewhat envious at how involved he seemed to be with their IF and his level of knowledge. I hope he talk to DH about it. I hope he helps DH understand what I'm going through. According to DH, this guy's wife is one of the nicest people he's ever met. I've only met her once and I liked her a lot. Anyway, maybe if DH learns that she turned into the wicked witch of the west during IF- he'll have more empathy towards what I'm going through.

I've got acupuncture again today. I also have to hit the gym. I'm going to clean up as well...I had 3 extra guys here after all! You can only imagine!!

I've got to get back to who I use to be. I use to be a lot of fun, considerate and a really hard worker. Now I'm the mopey girl nobody wants to be around. You know- the one who is always miserable and crying. I use to hate that girl. Now I am her.

I'll try and work on the new plan tonight.