I tested this morning (9dp3dt) and got a BFN. The 'F' stands for fucking btw. I can't fucking believe it. I feel like someone died. I really thought this was it. WHY? WHY? WHY? Why not me? DH and I have so much love to give. I know we would provide an amazingly fun and nurturing home.
I feel so fucking weak. I feel like this will never work but I can't stop trying. I fucking hate the person this is making me into. I HATE HER. She's everything I hate, bitter, sad & baggy eyes, filled with baggage. I use to be the cheerful fun girl who could laugh at anything. I use to lift everyone else's spirits. Now I can't even lift my own.
I'm not a religious person. At times I believe in positive and negative energy, call it karma if you want. Given my scientific background, I like to think of it as Newton's third law of motion. Whatever it is, that was the extent of my religion, 90% of the time anyway. This cycle made me question my beliefs. I was given sign after sign that this is going to work! This was my cycle. As skeptical as I am, I even promissed that should this cycle work, I will find a more spiritual path. But no. This cycle not only took away another chance of motherhood from me, it took that 10% of hope that I had.
The genesis of similarity.: Set in Egypt Aida
3 years ago
8 comments:
Darya,
I'm at a loss for words. I had no doubt that this was it for you as well. Life is so f-ing unfair at times it boggles my mind. I wish I could say or do something to take away the anger and pain that you are feeling right now. Don't feel bad for feeling pissed off...yell, scream, cry, drink wine, sleep. Whatever you have to do to get through this time right now. Email me if you ever need to talk. I'm really, really, really sorry, hon.
I am so sorry. I can feel your pain here. I am here to listen. :(
When is your official beta test? I am hoping for a special surprise.
I can't say anything because honestly there is nothing to say. There is nothing that can make you feel better so all I can say is that we are here for you...I am SO sorry...and you are not alone.
(HUGS)
HUGS to you Darya. If there was ANYTHING I could do for you, I would.
I lit a candle for you this evening, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your beta tomorrow. I hope you get a miracle!
I'm so sorry that this didn't work for you. Life can be so unfair. Take time to mourn this cycle.
(((((HUGS))))))
Darya,
I am so sorry to hear your news. That totally sucks. There is no rhyme or reason as to why IVF works. I feel for you and am here if you want to vent anytime.
I'm so sorry sweetie. We feel your pain and sorrow. How many more needle sticks before your BFP? Be sad and angry for a few days and let those feelings out. But keep that seed of hope and love, your turn will come.
I'm sorry. It's not just unfair, it's cruel. Sorry again.
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