I am so tired. I seem to be getting a lot of sleep, but I feel really worn out. I use to pull allnigheters without a sweat. I could go weeks without a good night of sleep. What's happening to me? Is it the Estrace I'm taking? Is it my age? I don't even know what's real anymore. I don't remember how it feels to be normal. My boobs seem to have gone from a B to a permanent C.
I'm starting another cycle right away. We had a regroup with our RE last week and he said we can get in on the March cycle. No BCPs this time which is great. I started 2mg of Estrace last Wednesday and I will take it through February 20. I begin injections on February 25. While I really wanted a break, the timing is good and I will definitely take a break before our 4th and final IVF, should this fail.
The last week has been rough. What week isn't? But this time, with the death of a close relative, it was extra painful. And...I'm expected to be the strong one for my sister and the support branch for my mom like I've always been in the past. I don't have any energy left to give. It seems like every day I try to have a little bit of energy, I try to uplift myself and make positive changes but by the end of the day, I end up even more broken than the day before. My mom has some very large burdens and I should be there for her for emotional support. It's the least I can do, but it seems so fucking hard lately.
Sometimes I feel like such a spoiled brat. I should be happy for all that I have and suck up the fact that others lean on me for emotional support. My mom sent me flowers to work. My sister and my mother in law sent me flowers at home. I always tell DH not to bother with flowers or anything for VDAY. I woke up Saturday morning to the 2 most wonderful cards I've ever seen. The first was one of those mooshy I love you cards. The 2nd said we can go shoe shopping! So DH and I spent part of VDAY picking out shoes for me. I am crazy about shoes and have been ever since I was old enough to talk.
Anyway, I feel so fortunate to have so much love around me and to have a DH who spoils me rotten. Yet, I can't seem to completely remove myself from all of the negativity in my life. I feel so tired and weak.
The genesis of similarity.: Set in Egypt Aida
4 years ago
6 comments:
It's hard to see the light through all the clouds sometimes. But, it sounds like you are really trying to be grateful for the good in your life and that's what matters the most...that you are trying. That's all we can do.
I think it's great that you are going to start a new cycle right away. For me at least, the waiting is so hard so to jump right back in the saddle is sometimes the best thing to do.
I know I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. You're dealing with a lot and it sounds like you are dealing with it well. I know you probably don't see it that way, but you are. And if you feel like shit and just want to sleep. Do it. Don't feel bad about it:)
And YAY for shoe shopping!!!
I agree with Mary. You have so much going on, and you're dealing really well. Hang in there - it HAS to get better!
Good luck with this cycle!
Maybe you haven't shaken it off because you aren't done processing. You can't force yourself to be stronger than you can be. The estrogen has to add to the burden too.
I am happy for you that you are ready to jump into another cycle. We'll be cycle buddies. I start my estrace on Tuesday with stims starting next weekend :-)
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I was sorry to read about your recent results. :( There aren't any real words of comfort.
I think it is totally normal that you feel tired. IVF sucks the life right out of you. (or at least it does to me) Starting the new cycle right away sounds like a good thing. And so do the permanent C boobs! I'm barely a B, so I can't see how big ones are bad, sorry!
Anyway, lots of luck. It was nice to meet you (so to speak) and I'll be reading as your journey continues.
Sounds like you are emotionally drained, and I don't blame you at all. It's so hard to be the support for everyone else when you are struggling to keep your head above water. I live that life, too.
But I also understand that need to keep moving forward, trying again, and the nearly impossible task of remaining hopeful. You just gotta do it.
Hi Darya,
Like Mary said, I am so proud of you. You have been incredibly strong. But I also hope that you can be a bit selfish over the coming weeks, and spoil yourself.
I know it's been a rough few weeks, and I think it would be great for you to have some time to relax. You have been looking after everyone else, and maybe it would be good to take some time off work to have a massage, get a facial, or get a cleaner? You deserve it!
I'm thinking of you, my friend!
C
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