When it rains it pours.

First of all, thank you so much to all of you who reached out to me when I got my negative. It meant a lot to me and I appreciate it.


I've been trying to keep my mind focused on different things and away from IF and I think I've done a good job. Yes, I've cried a lot still but I try to think about positive things and do other things to keep my busy.

Today though, I just lost it. I don't have time to get into the entire thing in too much detail but it started with being put on injections during thanksgiving week while I will be traveling to multiple places to visit family. Doing several injections a day, refrigerating my meds for my entire extended family to see, etc. just really isn't an option. I had reiterated this numerous times. I don't know what will happen now. I may have to skip another month which pi*** me off because they had me start BCP's and I hate BCP's.

Then I got into a fight with my mom who for the 1000000000000000 time, told me it's because I stress too much and it would happen otherwise. I'm so fucking tired of hearing that- specially from her. I've decided to shut her out of this part of my life now. She will not know anything anymore. She is coming for a visit in Saturday and I was really looking forward to it and I still am but....maybe it will be good to pretend IF isn't a part of my life right now. I asked her not to talk to me about it anymore. I hope she doesn't bring it up. She has her opinion that it's stress related and my RE believes it has to do with my eggs, my FSH, DH's morphology, etc. Gee, I don't know who to believe.

Oh, I also found out a relative who is 1 year older than me who just got married in June was pregnant (she lost the baby). I'm sorry she lost the baby but I'm jealous it was so easy for her to get pregnant. My mom said it's because she doesn't stress out. Oh, mom mom also says it's because I was on BCP's for several years in my 20's. Again, my RE disagrees but I'm sure my mom has much more knowledge.

I'm off to Yoga for fertility. I imagine I will feel much better after that.