I've come to talk with you again....
I took an HPT this morning and it was BFN. I get the official results later today but we know with a reasonable degree of certainty what that will bring. I hate my gut. My gut was babbling away...telling me it didn't work and I kept asking it to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Yet, during my most peaceful moments- like while I was meditating, a voice kept telling me it worked. I must be losing my mind. IF seems to do that.
We had a perfect embryo that died inside of me. It was the only one that fertilized. I guess I was hoping this was our miracle. I tried everything. I tried to stay positive. I did acupuncture. I took yoga for fertility. I meditated. I didn't exercise. What now?
I feel so lost. I feel so beaten. I feel so empty. I feel like I want this to end but I can't stop yet. I wish I could crawl into a hole and never come back out.
The genesis of similarity.: Set in Egypt Aida
4 years ago
8 comments:
I'm here from Nikki and sending you ~hugs~
You post is touching and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I'm hear from Nikki too. I have no other words than I am so sorry.
**BIG HUGS**
Just reading your words brings tears to my eyes. The only thing I can say is: I've been there.
It's 5:20 here on EST. I don't know where you are, but I imagine you've gotten your beta results by now (and if experience tells me anything, you're right about the outcome).
No one should have to go through this. My heart is aching for you. Try to do something nice for yourself tonight.
I'm just so sorry.
I'm so sorry, Darya. I was lurking on the message board and saw your update. I wish there was something helpful for me to say....
Sending hugs.
Lauren
Hi Darya,
I'm very sorry that this happened. Nikki sent me. She said that you might need some hugs today with the day you've had. I'm sending you big ones.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there and know exactly how devasting it is. How stupid you feel for holding onto hope. And how completely and utterly anger and bitter and sad you are that you did everything right and it still didn't work. I will say a prayer that you find some peace. But I know that peace won't come easy. You have been through so much and nobody will ever quite understand the pain you feel. It's just not right that this is happening to you. And I wish it was easier. For all of us.
I just realized that I asked people to come and give you love and hugs, and I myself didn't leave you a comment here. Sorry about that!
I know how you're feeling, and I just want you to know I'm here for you. You need a shoulder, you got it!
I'm sorry that you are feeling so blue. I came over from my blog since I saw you had left me a comment.
Hugs are coming your way! Try to stay positive, I know it's not easy. I'm here for you if you wanna vent or anything.
Kaila
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